just beautiful.

That's the difference between them N'US

or so they claim

Today,

During our session, the Director told me to meet the different types of men out there

It's not best to stick to one

Never get married too early

Not now, it might be too soon

You're young, very young

Explore, Madam and find the one who suits you best

it was an analogy that got him all fierce and passionate

and now i think

hell, how many men can fish out there.

It's not everyday that i can do this. So, here it goes.

Congratulations on your acceptance to Harvard Grad School

told you i deserve bragging rights!

You rock my singapore socks, American.

Now, let's all contribute generously to Send Adilah to Graduate School Fund.

Soon, i'm back to my infamous state of The Unemployed! 

woot. 

As i sit here and recall the past 3 years, it's sad to know the people i've lost along the way. knowing my inability to stay awake, you were my timekeeper. you laughed when i started screaming but you woke me up when i needed to be. it's weird how amongst everyone else, i got along well with you. we made plans but it never got through. you were my friend, we had fun. you protected me, it felt good.

something happened and i never knew. you never told and i never asked. it's sad knowing if i were to see you across the street, i would be delighted yet somehow i'll look from afar. it's amazing how people change. i've heard so much about you since but i choose to believe you've remained the same.

we never had a proper goodbye, did we? 

we never did, i remembered.

At times, I choose to believe that I live in a disgustingly massive house, with intercom the only form of communication. The refined never shouts across the hallway, you see. Picking up the phone, I ring the brothers for entertainment. 

"GET OUT HERE AND STOP CALLING US, YOU LAZY PIG!"

 Their annoyance is my ultimate pleasure. 

That's brothers for you!

whether ive made the right choice, its yet to be discovered
but it certainly felt
this good
and i hope it remains

networking is a euphemism for sucking up to the important people; the people who supposedly determine your future up the social ladder

that's the cavewoman in me speaking.

At times, i wonder what makes one so hyped up over The New Year; the planning, the parties and the undisguised enthusiasm. Perhaps, we choose to believe that the upcoming year will atone all sins; that the new year will bring us more joy and laughter. it's the time when personal failures are swept aside, with the unquestioned trust that now, everything will be all right. what's done is done and it's time to start afresh. it is, after all, the ultimate faith that The New Year is the solution to all problems; that, for once, it provides an opportunity for anyone and everyone to finally make a change.

Happy New Year to All.

"You know what it is that you want. You’re just afraid to admit it because you’re afraid of failing. Fuck that, fuck your fear. You know what you want. Which is a hell of a lot more than most people, so don’t be afraid or ashamed. Just go out there and get it."
- Karishma

In life, there will be people who enter and leave. You know, somehow you do, that they will only be in your life for a short while. At times like this, you feel that they should carry a sign, a sign that prevents you from letting them in. Danger! Keep out. Beware, you fool, that would be good. But you choose to be blind. You invite them in graciously, hoping that for once, they would stay. You close the door and stay, please, you pray and hope. You know they won’t but you choose to believe, perhaps that’s how the mind works. It makes you a blundering fool. No regrets, you rationalized. That would rob you of this opportunity; the wonderful experience you would think back in years to come and smile yourself silly. Smile and think of the wonderful memories, like a kid who receives her first hairbrush.

Crush, you suggest. Crush. Crush, crush, crush. Crush, I hate that ugly word. You are now reduced to a kid who has a crush on her 10 year old classmate because on Wednesday, he gave you his purple gummy-bears. He scored highest for English and you think, how smart. How smart and kind. I think I have a crush on him.

Hmm love, perhaps, you try again. Love, I hate love. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth, the way the word rolls around your tongue, looooove. Everything has to be reduced to love, an equation. I love you. You love me. We love each other. I+You=Love Forever. Everyone loves everyone nowadays. Is that a trend, the in thing, with all the hugs and kisses, I wonder. How pathetically sad. Love is sacred, love is saying it when you really mean. Love, Me. It doesn’t work that way, you fools. It’s not love, how juvenile.

Then you go oh god, why. Why oh why. You know the answer, oh you damn well do but still, you do it to reassure yourself. You ask for help, knowing fully well what it means and why it’s happening. You do it anyway; it’s a ritual to comfort yourself. Life’s a ritual, isn’t it? Then one day, you give up. No, the answer didn’t just come to you like, oh! You knew it all along, you idiot. For the second time, you tell yourself, perhaps not everything has to happen for a reason. It happens because it happens. It’s just one of those things and they are just one of them. How irrevocable that sounds, you are just one of them. Like an apple in a basket, 3 for $1. Take your pick; you are just one of them.

"my full name is s. adilah ong ah di"

"really?"

"yes"

"really?"

"err...no?"

Geylang, next!

I remembered being laughed at for saying the wrong things at the wrong time but i also remembered how they guided and chose to educate.

I entered with skewed partiality, i admit, but i remembered how i left with a different slant; not entirely, for sure, but there were moments; moments where i was pushed and made to examine my own prejudices.

If there was one thing i regretted, it was how i failed to answer your question in the most effective way possible. I remain disappointed; nevermind as an individual or a professional. If only, if only. I remembered how stunned i was and the way my mind blanked out at the most inappropriate time. It was sad, for i knew you needed the reassurance; which i failed to provide. But still, i remembered how relieved and grateful i was when others sensed my discomfort and chose to save me on time.

I remembered the blended, the milkshake and the milo dinosaur.

I remembered the uncle, the belachan and the reprimand.

You know, this has been one hell of a damn good learning experience.

It was the first place where self-talk and reflection were accepted. It was the only place where for once, others didn't go a'dilah you are thinking too much. It was the place where i was given the freedom to think and explore and i enjoyed it very,very much. Analyzing your thoughts no longer seemed absurd or stop being so cynical, but instead, embraced widely.

There are so many instances, so many "I remembered"; yet for now, i choose to keep the memories all to myself.

It has been a few weeks but I do still think back and smile from time to time.

For those who walked this journey with me, you know who you are and i thank you.

Goodbye,
A Fisherman's Friend.

In the mood for Little (modern) India

Happy 43rd Birthday.

" All through your childhood you can't wait for the day you turn eighteen. You tell yourself that as soon as you're officially an adult you can stay out as late as you like, with whoever you like, and go out in the morning to do whatever you want to do all day. Like eat sweets and play Nintendo. Except that it doesn't happen. You don't often find vacancies for film stars and poets in the Evening Standard, so you end up getting a boring job like yours and mine to pay the rent, which means that you can't stay out late because you've got to be presentable for work in the morning. No wonder people were always telling me that schooldays are the best of your life."

Happy 21st to All.

"i want to be the Big White Shark. so i can pounce on my fisherman"

mermaids are scaly and all too feminine, eugh.

Kope-d from Hiilie's blog:

stumbled upon a list of adventures in Europe. Looking at it makes me laugh out loud!

1) a'dilah's torn pants

2) "wundabar"

3) singa/kucing

4) missing train from frankfurt to cologne

8) a'dilah's internet cafe scandal

10) UNO party and gossip session at Jugendherberge

17) Louvre inside, walked on the outside and didn't even see it!

18) excess baggage charge from paris to barcelona

HAHAH

I will collapse and die the day loafers go for $19.90 at Bugis Street.

chickenmcnuggetfilletofish

I've never been a smiley person, but this is an exception

:)

Fatty Bom Bom, my brothers call me.

You know how there are times when after a wonderful experience, you have this inexplicable urge to share it with your friends and the child in you immediately get all psyched up and ready to go? But a minute later, you go ok, what's the point really. they just won't get you.

I want to describe every moment of the journey, because it seemed so exciting, but that would probably be a mistake too. If you're like everybody else then you'll already know what an airport looks like, what it sounds and smells like, and if I tell you about it, then it would be just another way of saying that I haven't seen the sea for ten years.

Hornby

So this bloke with the dog didn't have a name. I mean, he must have had one at some stage, but he told me he didn't use it any more, because he didn't agree with names. He reckoned they stopped you from being whoever you wanted to be, and once he'd explained it to me, I could sort of see what he meant. Say you're Tony or Joanna. Well, you were Tony or Joanna yesterday and you'll be Tony or Joanna tomorrow. So you're fucked, really. People will always be able to say things like, Oh that's so typical of Joanna. But this geezer, he could be like a hundred different people all in one day. He told me to call him whatever came into my head, so at first he was Dog because of the dog, and then he was Nodog because we went for a drink in a pub and he left the dog outside. So he'd had two completley different personalities in the first hour we spent together, because Dog and Nodog are sort of opposite types, arent they? Bloke with dog is different from bloke with no dog. Bloke with dog has a different image from bloke in pub. And you can't say, Oh, that's so typical of Nodog to let his dog shit in someone's garden. It wouldn't make sense, would it? How can Nodog have a dog that shits in someone's garden, or any dog at all, come to that? And his point is, we can all be Dogs and Nodogs in a single day. Dad, for example, could be Notdad when he's at work, because when he's at work he's not Dad.

Hornby

planning getaways scares the shit out of me. it makes me realise how badly I want to leave but the next time I really do, it might just be for good.

and for that, i will wait.

Ambitious women seem to be attracted to ambitious men. Then when they have children together, "someone" has to be less ambitious.

Lisa Belkin, "The Opt-Out Revolution"

when you have little hope, everything far surpasses your expectations, or so says the cynic.

21st Food Festival

Fly free, my friend!

Pisces are easily lied to because they so want to believe. No matter how often they are led astray by empty promises, they keep the faith and push on towards their personal ideal. Their dreamy and impractical natures can be a source of distress to those close to them. Being both optimistic and cynical, Pisces find it difficult to make up their minds on any issues.

Owing to their versatility and adaptability, Pisces can often follow several radically different career paths during their lifetime. For example, it is not at all uncommon for a Pisces to work effectively in one long-term "day job" capacity, while pursuing a radically different "passion" after work or on weekends. Where others may feel encumbered by their work identity, Pisces chameleon-like capacity for change allows them to shed their skin and pursue things others can only dream about while stuck in their rut.

Pisces can suffer from a general lack of decisiveness and are easily distracted from their objectives. Pisces have a propensity towards depression and restlessness when not feeling fulfilled. They should live in sunny, warm climates, close to bodies of water. Pisces should be ritualistic about exercise and fitness in order to fight back melancholy. Pisces must make a concerted effort to avoid their restlessness and desire to do something new in order to succeed and make their life better.

Very romantic by nature, you dream of romance. However you may feel somewhat frustrated as the dreams seldom come true in actual life. You are loyal and once you form a relationship, you continue it for a long time though sometimes, you may feel a sudden loss of interest in your partner. Having a basically shy nature, you are not one who will make a move yourself in love life. You will expect your lover to make all the moves and you will only react to them. But sometimes you can act completely differently. With deception , you can easily control your men with your superior brain and use them for your purposes.

You will dream of marrying a Mr. Perfect and you will want him to have all the qualities possible in a husband. But you will not be working hard to get him. Thus, chances of delay in marriage or a marriage which will not work are not ruled out. You will require a very diplomatic and well mannered husband to stay on.

Ich vermisse Deutschland und die Leute

I want to huff, puff and blow the house down.

At the rate we are consuming our hotdogs, you'd think the family owns a sausage factory.

the ciggy breath lingers like it was just yesterday

I can only say that you have met the right person at the wrong time and yes, you are going to move on. But you are not going (to) pretend nothing has happened. It's one of the many beautiful memories in your life.

Whatever it is, you now have something to fall back on.

You should thank me, sayang, for giving you the chance to have this short-lived, yet beautiful memory. Memories that will only bring a smile to your face when you think about it in years to come.

I know this is going to break your heart. But this could possibly be the start of a wonderful relationship, one which might be the best thing that has ever happened to you, if not for...

"Remember!" you said, laughing.

I would.

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Like that last drop in a glass of wood
It gets sucked away before you can look
Accepting it's gone and over for good
Like reading the last chapter in a captivating book

Like volcanic rivers turning into stone
Like a flower that gets crushed by hale
Like a king that gets tossed from his very high throne
Like getting sucked by a vampire into white pale
Like running a marathon in the opposite direction
Like squashing an innocent ant without dismay
Like seeing a rainbow where there is no perfection
Like asking the homeless where to stay

Like finishing off a beautiful dance
Like catching a glimpse and then leave
Like leaving the stage in a beautiful trance
Like restoring hurt with hopeful belief

By Iola

By Paul Politis

It felt like Germany all over again.

Im craving for a piping hot bowl of curry maggi mee with chilli, pepper and paprika. i shall do just that when i get home.

Loving loafers to the point of adoration.

Adapted from Facebook


You've studied abroad in Germany if:

1. You have sorted your garbage into at least 3 garbage cans and you know the difference (or should know the difference) between Gelbe Sacke and Restmull.

2. You have ever drank: a Maß, Meter or Stiefel of beer.

3. You have ever had or not had lust to do something.

4. You get excited that CNN is in English.

5. You know what a Döner is, and you've eaten more than one in the same week from a different Imbiss each time.

6. You've been to Oktoberfest7.

7. You've worried before about catching the last Strassenbahn home.

8. You've ever been stressed out at the grocery store while checking out, and have noted that you will never take "baggers" for granted ever again.

9. You've enjoyed the ablility to walk down the street/ride the strassenbahn/hang out in public drinking a beer or other alcoholic beverage.

10. You've watched the Simpsons in German and hated it.

11. You've ordered more than one Kugel of Eis a day. Everyday.

12. You've laughed at someone trying to say "squirrel"

13. You know what a "Klo" is and you've gone "auf" one.

14. You know what the German Stare is.

15. You know what DB stands for.

16. You've ever explained to someone what a "pinata" is.

17. You've ever visited the local gas station on a Sunday because it's the only thing open.

18.You know the difference between Milka and Ritter Sport.

19. You know what a WG is, and have lived in one.

20. You've ever been totally confused on how to open any and all windows/doors/locks.



Hilarous but very true.

Ive become such a Snob upon returning home.

It frustrates me how people here refuse to Keep to the Left.
It frustrates me how people here love to block, shove and stare.
It frustrates me how people here adore fighting for seats.

It frustrates me how people here bitchslap one another in their own language(s).
It frustrates me how people here think we are all slow, dumb and monolingual.

It frustrates me how people here fart and dig their noses openly.
It frustrates me how people here do not say thanks and welcome.

It frustrates me how disgustingly competitive people here can be.
It frustrates me how people here just love to win.
It frustrates me how people here drive like a 12-year old.

It frustrates me how drivers here do not greet you.
It frustrates me how cashiers here do not look you in the eye.
It frustrates me how salesmen here look like they have a big stone up their arse. its THAT hard to smile.
It frustrates me how salesmen here follow their customers everywhere - expecting us to grab and run out in 3seconds flat.
It frustrates me how hot, cramped and stuffy shopping malls can be.

It frustrates me how men here think they are God's gift to women when in fact, on the International Radar, they are a mere 0.001 on the Beauty Scale.
It frustrates me how ladies here think they are God's gift to men with their tight skinny jeans and typical zaratopshopmango sleeveless top.
It frustrates me how couples here grope and make out in public - expecting the world to be envious of them.

It frustrates me how we cant sit in peace without any music blaring or random individuals talking, no - yelling, at the top of their lungs.


It frustrates me how the Mats, Bengs and Cheenas think they are the coolest thing(s) on earth.

It frustrates me how ridiculous the Forum can be.
It frustrates me how typical the people here can be.
It frustrates me how dirty, noisy and kiasu this whole place can be.

Nothing satisfies me anymore and that's sad.
Once upon a time, I was pretty sure that this is The Place.

I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

The milk is so thick it feels like im sucking a fat cow.

Im a Luddite.

You are known as much for your theatre involvement as for your sense of style. What are your comments on current campus fashion?

Dr KK Seet: It is fairly acceptable in the arts faculty, where students still subscribe to a certain standard of personal grooming. Elsewhere, I cant comment and it wouldnt be fair for me to comment. Probably those who reside in halls are most guilty of negligence, as I see some sauntering into class all too casually in loose T-shirts and shorts. Presentable is all one asks for, not high sartorial sense. But then again, perhaps these students are making a shrewd statement. After all, many a time has my "substance" been eclipsed or deliberately overlooked on account of my apparent "style". We must never forget that we live in a society that likes to stereotype and pigeonhole people.


Which actor would you love to personally work with on a monologue?

Adrain Pang. He has charisma, intelligence, discipline - a formidable combination. And he is always attentive and sensitive to the nuances of the text.


What do you do in leisure time?

Eat, sleep and shop - the triumvirate of my leisure pursuits.

_________________________

We must have been best friends in our past lives eh?

The Picture on the Wall

I see the people in the picture
Hanging on the wall of memories
Full of feelings some happy yet some sad
Wishing you were back there again
Where everyone felt as if that is where he or she belonged
Together with all the fun and joy
But that will never happen again
Because the world is way too busy
To feel as if you fit in
You may never have time to be together with the ones you love
Where love is given to a special few
But only in that special place
It may be only hanging on the wall for a little while
But that special place will be in my mind for eternity

Emily F, 7th Grade
Ellington Middle School

The Body

The body, like God, moves in mysterious ways. How a body that we occupy, that we have worn like a coat from the moment of our birth - from before birth, even - is still a stranger to us. The body remains a mystery, a book that we have never read. We know more about the depths of the ocean, are more acquainted with the far corners of outer space than with our own organs and muscles and bones. So perhaps there are no phantom pains after all; perhaps all pain is real, perhaps each long-ago blow lives on into eternity in some different permutation and shape; perhaps the body is hypersensitive, revengeful entity, a ledger book, a warehouse of remembered slights and cruelties. But if this is true, surely the body also remembers each kindness, each kiss, each act of compassion? Surely this is our salvation, our only hope - that joy and love are also woven into the fabric of the body, into each sinewy muscle, into the core of each pulsating cell.


Motherhood

For my daughter's sake, I can be anything - brave, strong, fearless. For her sake, I can walk on crushed glass, lie down on hot coals, wade through ice-cold waters. But my daughter is here on earth for a few days, I know. Soon, there will be another funeral pyre like this one. Only this time, it will be the body of the baby I gave birth to; the infant who bit my nipple each time after I nursed her; the six-year-old girl who once vomitted after eating six bananas at one time; the eleven-year-old who came home crying from her job at Benifer Sodabottleopenerwalla's place because she had started her menses and thought she was bleeding to death; the sixteen-year-old who grew quiet and grave after her father left us behind like an abandoned pair of shoes. And after this second funeral, after Pooja turns into ashes before my cursed eyes, after I have witnessesd the horror of my own child dying before me, I will want to melt like ice, I will want to crumble like sand, I will want to dissolve like sugar in a glass of water, I will want to stop existing, you understand? Because, Hyder, try and understand - once I had two children, and now I will have none. And a mother without children is not a mother at all, and if I am not a mother, then I am nothing. Nothing. I am like sugar dissolved in a glass of water. Or, I am like salt. I am salt. Without my children, I cease to exist. For a woman like me, Hyder, death would be a luxury. I would welcome it, as I once welcomed love. Even though I'm already dead, I know I will have to live. Because we live for more than just ourselves. Most of the time we live for others, keep putting one foot before the other, left and right, left and right, so that walking becomes a habit, just like breathing. In and out, left and right. There is no breeze in this place, the fire has eaten the breeze, it seems, so hot and so narrow, like the entrance to Ravan's forest, and the smell of dead flowers and cobwebs and mothballs and decay, this smell that is inside my head and it will never leave me, I know, this smell that will trail me the rest of my days, I can feel it entering my bones, settling like dust into my blood.


Death

So this is how history gets rewritten. This is how it begins, with exaltation. Now it is not enough for a man merely to have been a man; now the etiquette of grief demands that we change him into a prince, a king. Now the flaws of a man have to be ironed out like creases in a suit, until he is spread out before us as smooth and unblemished as the day he was born. As if the earth would refuse to receive him, as if the vultures at the Tower of Silence would refuse to peck at him, unless he was restored to his original glory. In death, all men become saints, she thought and she both welcomed and rebelled against the thought. Perhaps it was better this way - this erasing of bad memories, this replacement with happier ones, like changing a dirty tablecloth. But if this was true, what to do about this heavy, lumpen body of hers, this body that cried out its true history, this body that wanted to testify, to bear witness to what had been done to it? Would this body - this knitted sweater of muscle and bone and nerve endings - would this body have to be dead, would its blood have to freeze into immobility before anyone sang its praises and called it the body of a princess or a queen?


Thrity Umrigar.

" The most anyone can ever promise you is the hope of staying around indefinitely, and anyone who says differently is either lying or fooling themselves. There are no guarantees."

"That is so cynical."

"No. It's honest. It's the truth."

dingalingaling
S.A'Dilah
Undergraduate
the helmet hair

07031987


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